There will be times in life where you’ll have to be the one who breaks difficult news to someone. It is a tricky, delicate thing that most of us would rather avoid but being able to talk about difficult things is not only a part of life but sign of maturity. So how to do it in such way that person would feel safe, respected and supported? Here is a list of things that you may want to consider before honest conversation:
Don’t delay. As hard as it is, this is the first sign of respect for receiver. It is not about you and your discomfort but persons right to know the truth. Also, by waiting and procrastinating you will only make yourself feel bad for a longer time so just do it.
Make sure environment is appropriate and safe. When news are particularly hurtful and painful, person might cry, be emotional so it’s best to create a space where he/she would feel safe to do so.
Tell the truth, tell the truth, tell the truth! Often we want to make information less painful, hide some facts or sugarcoat. Be sure – you are doing it for yourself and not the receiver. Clarity of the message is absolutely necessary to make the best decisions afterwards so do not take that opportunity away by hiding in your opinion meaningless details. It is not for you to make these kind of decisions.
“A half-truth is the most cowardly of lies.” – Mark Twain
Separate yourself from the message. Some news might make us feel guilty, insecure, responsible for friends reaction. However, these are just facts and they have nothing to do with you. Even if you did something wrong, you can apologise, make amends and let go of the outcome. You already did your best by coming clean and being honest. Some things we cannot control so making that line very clear will save you from a lot of unnecessary pain.
Know when to listen. This part is just as important as actually saying the truth. Just be there for that person and allow them to do/say/share whatever they need to.
Assure privacy. Whatever the news would be, be respectful and keep things to yourself. Be someone who people can trust, feel safe with and know that whatever happens during that conversation, will stay only between you.
Be prepared to answer the questions. This does not apply to all situations but if you can, gather as much information as possible. And again – tell ONLY the truth.
Look for silver linings. Sometimes you can make the person laugh by cracking a joke or seeing some good in situation. Sometimes silver lining will be the fact that receiver is not alone and he/she has you. And that is enough.
Follow up. It doesn’t matter if the person is your best friend or you barely know each other. Asking how they are, can be the best thing that happens to them in that incredibly difficult time. After all, we all want to know that we’re not alone and someone cares.
It is best that you do not have to have difficult conversation any time soon. However, if you do, I sincerely hope that this list will help you and your friend.
Best of luck!
Sending my love and blessings to all,
Hey there friends,
Now that it’s officially spring (thank god!) I wanted to give you a quick update of my current beauty faves that kept me hydrated through this brutal winter. All of them are for dry skin/hair and smell amazing so if you’re like me who needs that extra moist and sweetness in life, keep reading!
First I want to give a shoutout to Clinique that brought my skin back to life! Something weird was happening lately with spots, dryness, patches, but I overcame all of it thanks to their 3 step program and Moisture surge . I’ve been loving this moisturiser for nearly 2 years now but only recently I discovered their incredible Custom-repare serum. I feel like after using it my skin became a lot more firm, even and radiant. It is hard to describe but it definitely feels… resilient.
My favourite blush this winter became Nars Orgasm (I know, I still blush too when I say it out loud…). Peach tones were always my favourite and this one has very settle shimmer, goes perfectly with bronzer and keeps that summer tanned skin look throughout the year. 10/10!
When it comes to my overall body skin, it gets extremely dry in winter so I need to make sure moisturise it twice a day. Laura Mercier became my beloved brand that never disappoints. Well, OK, let me alter this. Probably I would not spend as much money on body products myself but since my husband loves to treat me with this stuff, I gladly use it🙂 . For this Christmas I received body butter and soufflé body cream with fresh fig scent and since then, I’ve been using it every single day. Souffle in the morning and butter I keep on my nightstand to use before bed. I love texture of both products but I have to warn those who do not like heavy stuff – it is quite heavy. The smell is lovely and reminds me of summer every day. Perfect!
Because I am slightly germophobeic, I wash my hands probably 100 times a day. Combine that with cold weather and you get the driest skin ever that is itchy, painful and flakey. That’s where Caudalie rose hand and nail cream came to the rescue. Not only because it leaves my skin soft and silky but with an amazing smell that lats for hours! Definitely one of the best hand creams I’ve ever tried.
For lips I used Lithuanian brand Rasa moisturising-protective lip balm. To all my native readers – it’s amazing! This balm is also a subtile lip gloss that softens the skin and stays on for a very long time. I really applaud this brand and proudly recommend it to everyone!
Finishing with hair, this year’s discovery was definitely L’oreal pure riche shampoo and conditioner for very dry and rebellious hair. It manages and controls my crazy hair leaving them detangled and nourished. It is free of sulphates and full of oils. Also, as the rest of the stuff, it smells heavenly!
Last but definitely not least is my all time favourite hair moisturising oil from Aveda. I’ve been using it for years and I could not find anything better. It is all natural, with no minerals or water which means you get the real deal! It might seem pricey at first, but I promise, 30ml will last you for at least a year!
Hope you enjoyed this post and found something useful. If you try any of the products or you’re already using it, leave a comment below with your thoughts!
As I was writing this, I felt the urge to have a pamper night, so I’m off!🙂
Sending my love and blessings to all.
Absolutely loved this blog and every single statement Belle has made. Well done!
“Why is there no international men’s day?” is a question I have been asked five times in the week running up to International Women’s Day. That’s five different men who see a day celebrating the cultural, social, political and economic achievements of women as nothing more than a dent to their fragile egos, as a spoilt toddler might scream “but where is MY present?” on his sister’s birthday.
I have several answers. My first go-to is to point out that there actually is an International Men’s Day. It’s on November 19th. But generally, those that ask why there is no International Men’s Day when you so much as casually mention IWD do not seem to care in any real or proactive way about issues affecting men (high suicide rates among young men, toxic masculinity etc.); they are simply using the question as a quick, *fun* way to derail…
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Hello my friends,
As some of you might know, I live and work in central London which means that I commute to work every morning during rush hour. I am a little bit anxious and claustrophobic person so being squished with other thousands of other people underground is not my idea of perfect morning. I’m not sure if you’ve heard but Londoners are quite crude so that doesn’t help either… Not to mention delays, cancellations and strikes (those who live in urban jungle probably are nodding with me right now)! I have to admit that tube brings out the negative side of me and feelings of rage, anger, frustration. As if journey is not bad enough, I sprinkle my rudeness around like confetti and can be pretty mean person to my fellow commuters. Truthfully, I don’t want to be that person… So how do I improve? Here is my recipe for conscious living!
First of all, let me remind you the power of intention. Once you set it, you change the vibration and things somehow start shifting (true stuff). You believe it or not, energy does exist so you better choose wisely!🙂 OK, now let’s talk about practical side because it only works if you work it, otherwise you can stop reading now.
I really wish I would be this enlightened person that smiles at everyone and does not go nuts whenever things aren’t going my way. Unfortunately, I am not there yet and that is OK. I am where I am and I gotta work with that I’ve got now.
What I am trying to say is: 1. you always have a choice; 2. remind yourself of that. It is impossible to always be in blissful space but it is absolutely possible to get back to it whenever you want. I am glad I can recognise what upsets me, I can learn from it but I can choose not to react on it. I note it and come back to the situation, analyse properly when I’m calmer and not as emotionally affected. Believe or not, solutions that I come up with in that state are much better than unloaded random emotions!
In this particular train related situation, I carry keychain that I received as a gift from my beloved sisters (Labutis🙂 ). It’s this round stone with engraved “Namaste” (see meaning below) on it and I always have it in my coat’s pocket. When I feel like I’m about to get angry, I take it into my hand and it immediately brings my focus back to love, acceptance and the light within me. What is more, it reminds me of the light in everyone around me so instead of cursing traffic I bow honouring that light and share my peace. Simple keychain keeps me grounded and reminds everything that I learned over the years through yoga, meditation, writing, reading etc.
- Other tools that I have are hourly reminders on my phone with affirmations, slogans, prayers. When it pops up on the screen I take the time to read words and feel them instead of just silencing my phone.
- I’m always wearing a bracelet made out of Malanchite stones which “assists in coping with setbacks, challenges & changing situations”, so whenever I’m out of my comfort zone, I touch round beads and it instantly gives relief, support and faith that someone is looking after me.
- My iPad is full of inspiring books that I can read on the go, music that relaxes and soothes the soul, meditation apps that quiets my mind if I’m mentally racing, phonebook full of friends that I can call to and they bring me back to stable awareness.
I made so many rituals that I practice each day and now I’m conscious of how I feel, what and why I am doing most of the time. It may sound slightly arrogant and self-obsessed, but remember that most people sleep walk into unhappy lives without even noticing!
When you know yourself and choose honest path, it’s not all flowers and rainbows. You must take responsibility and own up to everything that you’ve done, be willing to make amends to people, fail and get up after falling. No one said being conscious is easy, but then again, unhappiness and denial are even more tiring, wouldn’t you agree? When you think of it, being a grown up is just a small price you pay for serenity and peace of mind.
So today, ask yourself what can you do to change your focus? What reminders can you include in your daily routine that would help to change your behaviour? How can you create and apply different automatic reactions? What is near and dear to your heart that puts a smile on your face and you could use in tough situations? How do you define bliss and how can you tap into it? It can be meditation, writing notes, noticing how different people affect you differently, simply slowing down and not talking too much or reacting too quickly.
Remember, being conscious is knowing yourself so try to find your own truth instead of following someone else’s footsteps. Make sure you think carefully, allow your creativity come out, find what suits YOUR soul and helps to achieve best maximum results in shortest period of time.
And for the ending, embrace whatever comes up! Just keep YOLO’ing and applaud every answer you come up with. Soon, you will crystallise the realness but for now sincere intention is more than enough!
Let me know how it goes!🙂
May the Sun and Vitality always stay with You.
Twitter – @VitaSunLife
Pinterest – VitaSun
Facebook – Vitasunlife
Hello my friends!
There are so many ways to make life better, more positive, inspiring and exciting. Every day we choose attitude and energy that we will be giving to the world. It is completely up to us to create our dream life so the right actions are needed. One of the most obvious and powerful tools that all of us use daily is our language. We have to select carefully what words we say because they can transform the situation in a matter of seconds. What is more, we have to learn to ask different questions. What is the difference between good and bad question, you wonder? Let me explain.
Do You know someone who says: “Why is this happening to me?”, “Why am I poor?”, “How come no one loves me?”, “Why is it always me who suffers?“. Maybe You are the person who have these inner monologues?! Questions like that bring down energy levels, create negative atmosphere and and focus on problems instead of creating new solutions. They do not motivate or inspire. These are disempowering questions that shrink potential, squeeze out the juice of life and leave a person feeling empty, weak and sad. What is more, we manifest what we focus on, so if You keep wondering why You can’t lose weight, I promise – You will stay overweight.
The good news is that we can choose different kind of questions. “How can I fix this situation?”, “What kind of movement do I enjoy that would help me to lose weight?”, “What can I do to become a better manager?”, “Is there something more that I could learn from?”, ” How can I turn this situation that it would serve me?”, “Who could I ask for help?”. Can You feel the difference? Can You sense a different energy that they have? Empowering questions give You the right answers that suggest creative ways to fix the issue, forces to look for meaning, gain knowledge. They push Your limits and allow to grow instead of shrinking and keeping You stuck in disappointment mode.
Here’s another trick for You: Continue reading
On my blog I often share psychology and mindfulness related posts. Learning who You are, finding Your unique gifts, connecting to Your true self makes life meaningful and a lot more exciting. But how about people who don’t know themselves, what they want and why exactly they aren’t happy NOW? The secret to happiness is knowing what is Your purpose in life. Meaningful life gives a stronger sense of self, forces to engage more and creates real, life long relationships with others. Today I decided to share a little bit more practical tips how to start personal change and create a successful life.
I write a lot about mediation, physical activity, therapy but for a new starter it might be a little bit difficult to jump in and begin this spiritual practice at once. However, You have to start somewhere, so I would advise to begin with writing. To me it is one of the best ways to look inside and discover some deep stuff. Each time I take a pen, I find something new about myself that I did not know.
The very first step towards happier life is open-mindedness and willingness to see things just as they are, without prior judgement. So before You even start, have an agreement with Yourself to be honest.
Either You have a specific issue or You’re just not happy with Your life, answer the following questions: Continue reading